Getting the Tories out - using social media

In the next few days the Tory's millionaire backers will be buying up social media space at a ridiculous rate. We need to do everything we can to counteract this, and since it was too big for one post on Facebook there I thought I'd list it all here.

The Basics - Taking a stand

1. Don't give the Tories social media oxygen. Don't react to their posts. Don't comment on their posts. And definitely DON'T share them. Arguing with them or reacting with an angry face else just ensures more people see it.
2. Follow your chosen candidate and their local party on all platforms and if possible set notifications so you are alerted every time they post. Your job now is to boost their posts so more people see them without having to pay for it as the Tories are doing.
On Facebook react to every post (that's 'love', 'laugh', 'angry' or 'wow'), comment on every post (even if it's just a thumbs up icon) and if possible share every post.
On twitter simply like a post, rt and reply.

3. Make sure your socialist friends know this! Friends don't let friends make social media mistakes. (Maybe you could share this post?)
4. We need to show people hope. Every time you share or rt a positive post do so with a message of hope ("we can make this a reality", "this will help so many people").
If you do this it will really help your chosen candidate, and it need only take a few minutes a day for the next few days.
We CAN make a difference.

Intermediate - Beating the Blues

 1. Keep scanning the replies to your chosen candidate's posts. React to all the positive replies. DON'T react or comment on any negative responses, however if someone else has, the negative reply will rise up the comments, it's your job to push them back down again by replying to all the positive comments (you may need to reply to a few positive posts several times to push them above the negative ones). This works for Facebook and Twitter.

2. Follow the opposition. If they make a stupid mistake take a screen shot and share that with a suitably cutting comment. Never, ever, share their post directly. Ever.
3. Regularly do a search for your chosen candidate and another for your chosen constituency. Boost all the positive posts by reacting and commenting (even if it's only to say a simple 'Thanks'). On twitter don't forget to filter both for 'Top' and 'Latest'.
4. And finally an easy one, follow your party's national page, reacting, replying and sharing as you would for your local candidate. And if you have the time add a few other pages as well, such as Another Angry Voice, Scientists for EU, BestforBritain and PeoplesVote.
We CAN out-reach the Tories and we won't have to spend a penny to do it.
Go for it!

Advanced - Social Media Warrior

1. Seen a good post or image? Copy/screenshot/download/save it and push it out to your contacts via WhatsApp. This is currently being used to great effect by pro-Brexit groups.
2. Join Nextdoor. It's local to each area so you'll have to register at https://nextdoor.co.uk/ It's more like an old style message forum and tends to reach the people who don't like mainstream social media. It gets the message outside your normal bubble but keeps it local.
3. Watch your friends posts. If you see a lie /false news CALL IT OUT. But don't get into arguments, call it out, post your proof and move on.



Finally if you are doing all of this please get off social media for a bit. 
Call Granny, make sure she knows about why you are hoping for change of government, she'll love to hear from you. Call all your friends and relatives. Go out and get into political conversations. Sign up for your party's telephone campaign (there is usually an app for that that will allow you to do it from the comfort of your own home).
And honestly, if you can do any of that you can do door knocking.

We will win this, one conversation at time. 
For they are few, and we, we are many.

We will not comply

This half-term my kids have been sent home with a form asking for their country of birth and nationality. My husband and I strongly suspect that the final data set will be used for political gain and to curb immigration. 
We will not comply with this Conservative Government's blatant xenophobia so we've written to the headteacher and governors. We strongly recommend you do the same and since it's easier to adapt what someone else has written than to start from scratch here's a copy of what we wrote.

"Dear Head Teacher and Governors,
Thank you for your Data Collection Form Autumn 2016.
We have been looking into why the DfE wants this information and have found out that parents are not obliged to provide it. We will not be.

You can find more information here: http://schoolsweek.co.uk/school-census-2016-how-should-schools-collect-nationality-data/
Here is the relevant paragraph:
"The rules place an obligation on schools to ask parents for the country of birth and nationality of their child. But there is no requirement for either parents or pupils to supply the information.
Parents can refuse to provide the information and, in this case, schools can record that refusal in their census submission. Schools also have the option to tick either ‘not yet obtained’ or ‘not known’."
We therefore request that you record that for both our children information on their 'Country of Birth' and their 'Nationality' was withheld by their parents.
Yours sincerely,"

Poem - Because I am a Woman

A poem a wrote a few weeks ago.

Because I am a Woman.

Because I'm a woman I should smile because it makes the world a brighter place.
Because I'm a woman I should make the most of what you charmingly call my assets.
Because I'm a woman they can tell me I have to wear high heels to work which will hurt my back,my feet and slow my day.
Because I'm a woman they can comment on my skin like its a work qualification

Because I'm a woman I should accept their shouts and the beeps of their horn because they are a compliment.
Because I'm a woman I can wear low cut tops but not breastfeed my baby in public because that would be gross. 

Because I'm a woman I will cross the road if I think he's following me.
Because I'm a woman I carry my keys in my hand placed individually between my fingers.
Because I'm a woman I will keep my thumb poised between the call and video button on my phone.
Because I'm a woman I won't take taxi on my own but I do know the way home with the best lighting. 

Because I'm a woman I will drink out of bottles and keep the top covered.
Because I'm a woman he thinks my smile is an invitation.
Because I'm a woman he thinks my short skirt is practically asking for it.
Because I am drunk he thinks I won't mind.
And because I'm a woman, my previous sexual history is his defense.

Because she's a woman I won't let my daughter out late on her own.
Because she's a woman I will teach her how to hide, how to kick, how to run and what to do.
And because big crimes start with little misdemeanors I will find the strength to call out those actions as misogynistic. 
Because I will report them.
Because I am a woman.

Cold call fun

I don't know about you but the amount of marketing calls I'm getting are beginning to seriously p*** me off. I've had to develop a few methods to deal with them since "I'm registered with the telephone preference service, please remove my number from your list" clearly isn't getting through.
Method 1. I tell them that I do need to speak to them but there's someone at the door could they just hold the line for 30 seconds while I deal with them then I prop the phone up in front of the radio and walk away and leave it. Hopefully this keeps them on the line a bit longer and stops them harassing anyone else.
 
Method 2. I pretend I'm Helen Tichner from the Archers and I've knifed Rob then I ask them for help with what I should do with the body and how to make a good custard.
 
Method 3. Pretend I've been kidnapped. I'm trapped in the house, I can't get out, can't make out going calls and I don't know what to do. Then I scream down the phone at them. 
 
Method 4. I tell them that I am a media consultant and that my rates are £400 an hour and by staying on the phone and continuing to phone me and not removing my number from the list they are there by agreeing to pay my bill. 
 
Method 5. I remind them that I have in fact opted out of receiving their phone calls and that by continually phoning me they are not only breaking the law but engaging in harassment. I ask for their name so that I can send the information to your lawyer. 

Method 6. I imagine I'm an over tired mum of a new baby and go all emotional on them (This one is really not that hard!)

Of course I'd rather that they just didn't call but if they must be a nuisance then I don't see why I shouldn't wind them up too.
 

Mum in a time of conservatives - A load of hot air.

Honestly I can be a bugger for using up the earth's valuable resources. I could just get my local MP to stand in front of the wrack of wet clothes and ask him (because it invariably is a him and not a her) about his election promises. But no, I go ahead and tumble-dry wet clothes.

I asked a friend how she lived without one (her tumble-dryer I mean, she has an MP), she said her last one broke and she simply didn't replace it. 

So how can you cope without a tumble-dryer? Get extra radiator racks, definitely get an outside line or possibly one outside but under cover (is there a carport, conservatory or simply a well ventilated passageway you can put it in?) A couple of my friends have had sheilas put on the ceiling above a radiator and they work really well.

Healthy? Don't think it really makes a difference.
Green? Hell yes, very. 
Money saving? Yep
Lefty? Well it beats giving your money to the energy companies or a white goods manufacturer. So a little yes. 

Or you can ask your MP over for a cuppa.

There's no one left of here

I wrote this ages ago but somehow it disappeared. No idea why. So hear it is again.


I took a 'political compass' test this week.  If you'd like to take it to then I strongly suggest you click on this link and do it NOW as the post below could ruin your results for you.

It put me just left and slightly lower than the Dalai Lama.
What did that tell me? Well, in some ways nothing new. I am very left wing and quite libertarian. I'm proud to be what I think is a socialist, I can remember my Grandad telling me it was great thing "you should be proud to stand up for those who are not able to do it for themselves and share what you have with them" he told me "it is nothing to be ashamed of". I am proud. I'm also sad that it would seem that with this test at least half the of the Labour party leadership are not with me.
You can easily dismiss some of the questions as a bit vague and I admit that after years of taking magazine tests in teen mags and other media that frankly should know better I do tend to answer these in extremes (it's the only way to get an interesting answer).
http://anotherangryvoice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/left-unity-is-it-just-joke.html
If you don't look at the map you might end up exactly where you were heading.

Mum in a time of conservatives - Drown your sorrows

Drown your sorrows. In water. 

Seriously, have you actually looked at the cost of decent bottle of Champagne recently? And the kids Fruit Shoots and J2O don't come cheap either.
You could all switch from all those expensive not to mention calorific, bottles and cans. Clearly I don't mean bottled water, because who the hell is going to have the cash to splash on Buxton, plain old tap water. No sugars, no artificial sweeteners, no calories and no hangover. 
 
Healthy? Check! 
 
Money saving? Check!

Green? Well there is no packaging and no air-miles so Check! 

Lefty? No cans and bottles means no extra money for Rexam's Tory supporter Graham Chipchase and what could be more lefty than a product for the masses? So, "hell yes" Check!
 

Just don't add whiskey......

(Yes this is a little tongue in cheek, I need something to lighten my mood. But seriously water is great stuff. Want some ways to make water more interesting? Click here )

Mum in a time of Conservatives

I think if you know me or have followed me on Facebook you'll know that the 2015 UK General Election did not go the way I wanted it. Not at all. 

I could bang on about how the way the Liberals bungled it 5 years ago lead to this, I could blame the media (and I do, very much so) or the rise of the SNP, I could explain how the marketing of Labour totally failed or how the greens lived inside their own media bubble. But I'm not the most acute political mind ever, I do have opinions (see my facebook page) and I am reading the analysis coming out in the media but my main concern is: 

HOW THE HELL DO WE GET THROUGH THE NEXT FIVE YEARS?

My aim on this blog (at least until I get bored or employed on something else) is to give what will hopefully be a lighter hearted way for us 'lefty' and eco-conscious mums to a) survive and b) make a difference.

Going viral

Yesterday was a bit of a shock. 
All I did the night before was post this on Facebook

In case you can't read it I'll spell it out for you. It's a leaflet that came through my door from Lynton Yates (Leicestershire County Councillor for Glenfield) and it says

"We could remove six million cars from the road if benefit claimants were not driving. Why do they have the privilege to spend the tax payers hard earned money on a car when those in work are struggling to keep their own car on the road.

These people really could catch a bus."

I shared it on my personal profile with a few friends and shared it on a page I've sent articles to before ATOS Miracles

Then I went out. 

While I was away some friends put it on Twitter and by the time I got home with my kids at 6pm it was trending and my original post had had over 50,000 views been shared 500 times and I had messages from 5 journalists, including 2 from national newspapers and one from the BBC. But I also had people who claimed to be senior members of UKIP telling me that I'd faked it and some highly abusive messages telling me I was not just anti-British but also a paedophile.

Here's my opinion: It's my understanding that the largest chunk of the welfare budget is spent on pensions and that of the remainder the majority is paid to people in work. Furthermore, Mobility allowance for the disabled includes an element to get a suitable vehicle to get around in. So it would seem that Councillor Yates suggestion is not only ill-informed and unworkable but born out of the unthinking prejudice that all benefit claimants are able-bodied, urban dwelling, middle-aged layabouts with no dependents and nothing to do. As for the suggestion I faked it, why would I bother? They shoot themselves in the foot as a pastime (or possibly past-time as written in his leaflet). Is it official UKIP policy? Not as far as I know, but then neither are half the things that come out of Nigel Farage's mouth, it was written by Councillor Yates (or at least one of his minions) and put out under his name, it therefor counts as his opinion and I'm not going to pull it off the internet now, nor could I even if I wanted to.

And all this less than a week after I'd talked to my 8 year old about being careful about sharing photo's over the Internet and other devices (I'd found her using a chat app while at a friends house).

I have to be honest the girls and my husband don't know whether to be scared or proud. Neither do I. The number who have viewed the post is now over 72,000 and the total of abusive messages up to 6. So no I'm not going to stand up on national media and give my real name, I have my kids to protect (not to mention my career). But I am proud that I stood up and called out unthinking prejudice and that my little pebble of news caused big ripples on the media pond, at least for five minutes. I can make a difference and now if you'll excuse me I'm going to be the difference to a small group of new mum's who need some breastfeeding support.

Yours, as ever,
Mumjuice

Hotels and healthcare

While listening to the radio today I heard someone suggest in a very sensible voice that while NHS health care should remain free that perhaps a charge could be made for board and lodging for someone who has to stay in hospital? They said that perhaps a charge of £75 per night would be sensible and affordable. I didn't really hear the rest of the report as my emotions caught up with me so forgive me for not knowing who they were or why they thought that.
You see I was listening to the radio while in the car, while driving away from the hospital having just seen my husband readmitted. Of the last 40 nights he's spent 20 in hospital. Not through choice, through a very serious infection resulting from gallstones. I consider our family to be reasonably well off, my husband has a good job and I make small sporadic amounts from free-lance work (anyone want to buy an article?) But could we have quickly found the £1500 that this illness would have cost us if this charge was to be levied? No. In fact it would probably have questioned whether to readmit him this afternoon really was a good idea. Quite quickly I would have found myself having to choose between my husbands health care and food or heating for my children, and we are not alone. According to another report I heard on the radio sometime back more than 50% of working families are less than 3 missing paychecks away from homelessness and poverty. But I live in a village where more than 25% of the children are living below the poverty line. Every day their parents have to choose between 'eating and heating' and that's not to mention the pensioners. A 'bed and board' charge would certainly bar them from health care they might desperately need.
Food and rest are not 'bed and board' they are nutrition and restoration, they are essential aspects of care and if we forget that then we have lost our compassion and humanity.

Tips for going to the Dordogne on Holiday

A member of one of the Facebook groups I'm in asked for tips on taking a family holiday in the Dordogne, since I've done this for a number of years I thought I'd impart some wisdom and then I thought "why not blog it?" So here I am.

The journey down.

We live near Nottingham, we like to cross over to Peterborough, then Cambridge before heading down the M11 to the M25 and beyond to Dover. I prefer this route as a) I know it well and b) it's saved us from some pretty nasty jams on the M1 and M25 in the past. So long as you get past Barr Hill nice and early in the morning your only major hold-up will be the Thames river crossing. We can do the journey in 5 hours but this is on a clear day with no stops. For 'family' journeys allow at least 7 hours. Get petrol at a Dover supermarket then take your pre-booked ferry crossing to Calais.

From Calais  follow the following route - Abbeyville - Rouen - Evereux - Dreux - Chartres. This is the limit of what we can do in a day, we pre-book a night in a family room in the Novotel. The biggest hold-up this side of the Channel is likely to be Rouen, avoid the central bridges if at all possible and be aware that after Evereux there is a shortage of toilet stops.

By the way while the service stations in France are often beautiful by comparison and the picnic/comfort stops plentiful we find motorway food (and ferry food) in France to be almost as bad as the UK i.e. in-edible, so we always take picnics. Where in follows my next tip, when you leave the Novotel in the morning head for one of the nearest supermarkets, get a breakfast, something to eat on route and fuel for your vehicle.

Now head down the N154 for Orleans, then the N20 for 'La Ferte-St Aubin' and Vierson. At Vierson get on the A20 and head for Chateauroux. When you get off the A20 is up to you, but if you can leave by J53 you will avoid the peage. All the driving this side of the Channel should only have cost you about 10 euro, as opposed to over 50 on the main motorways. It also avoids central Paris and all the delays that ensue from there. You are welcome.

And just for the record we DVD and MP3 player alternately on the journey. Its the only way we can survive. The girls can't cope otherwise and we can't handle that many repeats of 'Frozen'.

Eating and drinking.

If you are eating out go for set meals at lunch time it is a lot cheaper than evening meals and more pleasant in my opinion. However my top tip for family evening meals is the Marche Producteur http://www.marches-producteurs.com/dordogne  they are basically local farmers markets with a BBQ facility thrown in for free (though some of the smaller ones don't so watch out). The set up varies but the chips seem to be ready at about 8pm and the grills are normally hot by then too. It is an incredibly cheap way to eat out and it's good fun too. Our family has a lot of food allergies and we find our limited French invaluable in talking to the producers who will happily tell you exactly what is in their sausage/bread/ice cream etc. It's even possible to eat well as a vegetarian but always take a salad in your picnic hamper just in case and everyone should take something to drink.

I'm not going to recommend places to go or stay, the area is vast and the choice wide. If you have found this page you probably already know many of them, go, enjoy and have a glass or two for me while you are there.

The journey back.

We pretty much reverse the route going home  but stop in the Loire for a couple of nights to do a Chateau or two and the Garden Festival which is amazing http://www.domaine-chaumont.fr/en_festival_festival. Then it's back on up to Orleans following the reverse route home until we get to a B&B or hotel in the Somme area for the night and catching the ferry home. 

One last piece of advice, have a stop for fuel long before Calais and once you approach the city do not leave your car, keep the doors, boot or hatch and windows locked and have every space in your vehicle covered or filled. There are some poor desperate people out there who will do anything to get to a better life in the UK. Don't let yourself fall victim to them 'hitching a lift' seen, or unseen in your car. Whether you know about them or not you will get fined and a criminal record. That said please don't feel  this part of the journey is particularly dangerous, it's like a night out in Nottingham - know the risks and what to do to keep safe.

Have a lovely holiday!

Like a pebble on a beach...

This is my pebble.
I collected it on a beach near where my in-laws live.

The red is sandstone, it's a sedimentary rock formed in the Devonian era (not surprising then to note that the in-laws live in Devon).  As rocks go sandstone is not the hardest stone you will ever come across, while not exactly soft it is easily eroded by the action of the environment (in this case the waves and tide).

The white stuff is quartz, it's an igneous stone formed by volcanic action that used heat and pressure to push it into the sandstone.  Quartz is hard and when all the rest of this pebble has been worn away the quartz will still be there in flakes.

I feel like I can identify with the pebble,  bits of my personality were made under the intense heat and pressure of some difficult situations, they are hard, rough edges but they hold the rest of me together. Other parts of my personality are softer and are more easily worn away and like the pebble, the adult I am today was formed gradually over time.

It's taken me time to understand that these aspects are not flaws. The pebble is interesting precisely because it has these different features. 

And if I am not the only pebble on the beach?
Maybe then I can be a little bolder.

Take me to the water

I've had a few 'health journeys' in my time, either by choice (like a fitness or weight loss programme) or by necessity (like an illness which involves regular trips to the doctor) and one question I'm often asked is 'are you drinking enough fluids'. Its a fair enough question, bodies perform better when they are fully hydrated and drinking more is an easy lifestyle change to make. If you are in the UK the NHS recommends you drink about six 200ml glasses a day.

As it happens I do drink plenty, it's only 10am and I estimate that I'm already well into my second litre. I like to drink, it helps my brain work and if I'm honest I also use it as a way to suppress any hunger pangs. (Did I mention that in the last year I've lost over 2 stone?) Do you know that many people can't actually tell the difference between feeling hungry and feeling dehydrated and that that skill will diminish with age, the elderly are at particular risk of dehydration.

Unfortunately many of the drinks we like to have are not actually hydrating, tea and coffee for example, alcohol will also drive water out of your system. Pure fruit juices are also so stack full of sugar that they wont help hydrate you either, unless you add extra water. I also try to avoid squash for similar reasons and I don't think the 'no added sugar' squashes are a great alternative either as the artificial sweetener can leave you feeling hungry (think about it, how many skinny people do you actually see drinking diet soda?) And so called 'flavoured water' you can buy in the shops is usually just colourless diet squash with added sweetener.

Re-hydrating isotonic drinks are fab (provided they don't have sweetener) but they can be VERY expensive, over-the-counter oral re-hydration sachets to add to water are not much cheaper.  No, there really is no better drink than water. But even I'm prepared to admit that it can be a little dull at times so here I'm going to share my favourite water 'recipes'. Things that can give the water just enough flavour to make it different and interesting.

• Sliced fruit - be it citrus like lemons or sweet like sliced strawberries just a touch of sliced fruit mixed in with the ice can make the water seem even more refreshing. Also cucumber works really nicely.
• Herbs - many herbs are great in water. I often use rosemary (which by the way is BRILLIANT with a slice of watermelon, so refreshing) but I also like all sorts of mint, thyme and sage (which is great with some blackcurrants) . The list goes on. Give your herb some gentle scrunching to release the flavour and float on the water.
• Flowers - my girls love a flower or two floating in with the ice and water. Rose petals, elderflower, nasturtiums, marigolds. Any edible flower looks great and if it's scented like roses a little sparkling water added to the mix will help bring that out.
• Herbal and fruit teas - I'll often make a peppermint or chamomile tea and drink it hot or let it cool and add ice. Go for quality bags or loose tea with no added 'black tea' and no artificial sweetener. My all time favourite tea is a few thin slices of ginger with a dash of lemon juice.
• A dash of.. - lemon juice, lime juice, vanilla, cider vinegar or Angostura bitters all work well when added to water.
• Home made oral re-hydration therapy - to one litre of fresh clean water add half a level teaspoon (3 grams) of salt and 3 level tablespoons of sugar (18 grams). 

If you want to look really classy any of the above frozen into ice cubs will look great but of course until the ice melts you will have less flavour.

As I type now I am looking forward to a blistering hot weekend, the weather man just told me that the last time it was this good was the first week in July 2006 - I remember it well, it was the week my first daughter was born (and no it wasn't a water birth). 
Have a great weekend! xx

My breastfeeding journey

As I've spent the last week helping locally with Breastfeeding Awareness Week I thought I'd share my breastfeeding journey with you. 

When we started trying to build a family I had just turned 29, we’d thought about it for years and were very ‘active’ in trying to conceive. Unfortunately this wasn’t to be and before long we were at the hospital receiving various cycles of IVF. I was 35 when a cycle finally worked and we were expecting our first baby. I felt that we’d tried so hard to have a baby that we owed it to ourselves to be the very best parents we could so I read a great number of books on pregnancy and early baby-hood. When I learnt that breastfeeding could potentially reduce the chances of developing food allergies I knew I had to breastfeed. I have a number of food allergies myself and felt that anything I could do to spare my child from these was well worth doing.

We went to NCT antenatal classes and while ‘breast is best’ was constantly repeated the actual focus of ‘how to breastfeed’ was probably only one hour of the course. I expressed concern to my sister (who already had children) who told me not to worry and that mum would ‘sort me out’ as she had done for her.

When my baby was born, I had a difficult time in getting her to latch on. I’d had an induction and an epidural as well as some gas and air and had eventually delivered my baby by ventouse. No-one had explained to me that anyone of these procedures might make the early stages of breastfeeding difficult and added to this I have very flat nipples (everyone was calling them ‘inverted’ but I now know they were just flat) and even my mum couldn’t get me breastfeeding.

My problems were exacerbated by a migraine at 24hours post delivery where I could barely lift my own head never-mind concentrate on feeding my baby. I was heartbroken when the nursery-nurse took Rosa for a blood glucose test, told me her glucose was dangerously low because I was starving her and immediately ‘administered’ 40ml of formula.

I decided to go for a shower at this point. Once in the flow of water I let the tears run, I was still blubbing when I stepped out and cursed myself for crying so much my feet were getting wet. When I finally dried my eyes of course I found that it wasn’t my tears making my feet wet it was my milk. I remember just then I heard a baby cry out side and my milk stopped dripping and started pouring, I could have filled a teacup a metre away. I put my clothes on as quickly as I could and went out and told the nurse that there was no way I was starving my child and demanded she get me a breast-pump.

In no time at all I had produced 40ml of breastmilk and came to a deal with the nurse, I would pump for each feed, I would show her or a colleague that I had produced at least 40mls. They would then test her blood sugar and then I would feed her my milk from the bottle (no one ever mentioned cup feeding and I certainly didn’t know about it).  If we passed 36 hours without going under a particular level of blood glucose I would be allowed home, where I already had a breast pump, bottles and a can of formula (which I’d bought just in case). I gave up on direct breastfeeding at that point I just wanted to get home. Once at home my mum and a number of good friends tried to help me get her to latch on instead of bottle-feeding expressed milk.

My mum suggested stripping baby down to her nappy as she’d been told to do with me. We mistakenly thought this was because warmth was making her sleepy, we didn’t realise it was skin-to-skin contact that was needed so I kept my nursing vest on. It was a very hot summer so I was even feeding in the direct line of a fan, just to try to keep her awake to feed. It sort of helped but the breakthrough came when a friend who’d had similar problems told us where we could get some nipple shields from. My husband and mum (who had suggested shields from the start) were duly dispatched to the shop and came back with some silicon ones. I have to say that at that point those shields saved my breastfeeding relationship. Baby liked the shields and I found I could control the mess they made (they filled up and dribbled in no time) with a well-placed towel.

I always intended to come off of the shields but again I was let down by poor advice as everyone, midwife, health visitor, my mum and many others suggested ‘cutting the shield down’ with a pair of scissors slowly making the hole bigger. Baby out rightly refused to let them back into her mouth once she realised they had been cut as try as I might the cutting always left sharp edges. The friend who’d originally told me about them admitted she’d never come off of them either in her 6 months of breastfeeding and so at about six weeks I resigned myself to using them for the rest of our breastfeeding. That was when I went to my first La Leche meeting.

Another girl from my NCT antenatal group had had problems with her baby too and had already sort out their help. Problems largely solved she had been invited to the meeting and wanted a bit of moral support going in so I said we’d go too. I have to say that first meeting was a bit of a shock, I’d rarely seen a sling before, and I’d certainly never seen a child over six months being breastfed, seeing a 3 year old do it blew my mind! However I was willing to admit the children all seemed very happy and healthy and the welcoming friendship of the other mums encouraged us to go back for the next meeting.

It was on my third meeting that I discovered ‘The Breastfeeding Answer Book’ had a section on shields. I learnt then that the ‘cutting down advice’ applied only to rubber shields and not silicon and that if I wanted to wean off shields then what I needed to do was essentially put a piece of sterilized cloth in the shield to make it more difficult for her to get the milk and then show her how easy it was to take it straight from the breast. I gave it a go and got into a terrible mess, milk everywhere, a rather sore nipple and a screaming daughter. Subsequently I gave up on the whole idea and decided I would continue using the shields.

La Leche changed how I felt about long-term breastfeeding. When I went back to work I carried on feeding baby when I was with her and I had wanted to carry on feeding until she was 2 however I also wanted a larger family and we had a time limit (at that time they would only keep frozen gametes for IVF for 5 years and we were already 2 and a half years in). My IVF consultant was not particularly understanding about my wish to continue to breastfeed but I thought we’d come to an arrangement where we would try implanting during a ‘natural cycle’ without medication. However that message didn’t get communicated to the staff and in the hospital on the day of the transfer I was suddenly given an injection and my breastfeeding abruptly stopped.

I was in pieces (well I just been given a syringe full of hormones!) and I called several LLL leaders who did a brilliant job in counselling and encouraged me with the thought that a sudden stop in breastfeeding can lead to an element of ‘super fertility’. Whether it was that, luck, brilliant fertility treatment or a mixture of all three I don’t know but 2 weeks later the pregnancy test said positive and it all seemed worth it.

When my second baby girl was born I thought I would be able to crack the breastfeeding quickly and settle down to two years of feeding. How wrong I was. She just wasn’t the same child as my first and clearly hadn’t read the books I had, on top of this I had terrible SPD and many health professionals were telling me that to continue breastfeeding would just continue the SPD. Thank goodness I didn’t listen to that advice. However after less than a week of trying to feed both with and without nipple shields my nipples were exceptionally painful and I made the decision to just feed with shields. Quickly the pain dissipated and I resigned myself to never doing ‘normal breastfeeding’, except that once again she had different ideas.

When she was about 6 weeks old I settled down to feed her when her big sister wanting help with a book, interrupted me. As I leaned over her she very gently helped herself to my uncovered nipple, I didn’t even realised she’d latched on until I leaned back. She looked happy so I pulled her a little closer and let her continue. At the next feed she just pushed the shield away and we’ve never looked back.

I had intended to feed her for just the NHS recommended 2 years but as ever she felt differently and I realised that I could just let her ‘self wean’, so that’s what we did.

On the eve of her third birthday she decided she was a big girl and wouldn’t have ‘num-nums’ any more. By the evening of her birthday my breasts were nearly bursting so I decided to hand express into the sink, she quickly realised this was a waste and said she would help me by feeding! Shortly after this however I decided I’d just had enough of the constant night feeding and negotiated a deal with her that she would have extra playdoh time with mummy in return for not feeding at night. (It wasn’t exactly a reward system, I explained I just couldn’t cope with the lack of sleep and that everyone needed a ‘happy mummy’.)

When she was about 3years 8 months I developed ‘nursing aversion’ but after working through my feelings decided that if I could drop the evening ‘going to sleep’ feed (which by now was actually hurting as she had a tendency to chew as she went to sleep) I could carry on.  However this really was the beginning of the end.

Daytime feeds quickly disappeared and in the early mornings she would complain ‘there’s not really much there any more mum’. Again as she approached her birthday she told me that once she was 4 she would be a big girl and wouldn’t need it any more.

Just before her birthday we went on holiday. In the evening we let the girls stay up late and consequently mornings got later and later. In addition to this the gite had a satellite dish and the girls found a kids channel they loved. In the end it seemed breastfeeding just couldn’t compete with ‘The Winx Club’ and she stopped climbing into my bed for a morning feed. When we came back to the UK she did climb in on a few mornings, even on her 4^th birthday she wanted ‘num-nums’ first then presents, but I think I’ve only fed her two times since and on both times she told me there was no milk coming out. Recently she told me she thought it had stopped because it knew she was a big girl.

Looking back on the early days of my breastfeeding I clearly had an over active milk ejection reflex which was pumping out such a large amount of milk it was making my babies gag. The nipple shields didn’t sort out my perceived flat nipple problem, they slowed the milk down to a flow my babies could cope with. Biological nurturing would have been a great alternative (the ‘up-hill’ position slowing the milk down) and that together with skin to skin that would have helped to stimulate my baby to feed. Looking back at pictures of my first girl I can see how her head was so pulled out of shape by the suction, I bet it really hurt her to move her head at all. If the me now met the me then I would have had me expressing small amounts of colostrum before the birth to cup feed baby when she arrived. (It was a planned induction and epidural, it could have been anticipated that these would cause problems).  I’d also have suggested biological nurturing or cup-feeding when I had the migraine and I think that showing me how to feed lying down would also have helped a lot. Finally I’d have thrown away the Gina Ford and Claire Byam-Cook books and introduced Dr Sears and the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding a lot earlier. Of course hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Meno-what?

A spot! I have a spot!! Several actually. I had a horrible time with acne as I was growing up and I think it's coming back. I suspect that now just as then, changing hormones are to blame. 

Yes, if there is one thing I really hate about heading into the menopause it's the spots - oh and the hot flushes. Honestly yesterday I had a 'personal summer' that had my face glowing like a beacon, it actually hurt. And the sweat, ugh!! I was watching my girls do their gymnastics and I'm sure the other mums must have been wondering what on earth was up.

Yes if there one thing I really hate about heading into the menopause it's the spots and the hot flushes - oh and the mood swings. The mood swings are awful. Not just bad but really f***ing bad! I can go from sweetly talking to the birds while I garden to full on RAGES in less than 60 seconds. Sometimes I go absolutely MAD about the tiniest little thing and goodness help anyone who gets in my way.

Yes if there is one thing I really hate about heading into the menopause it's the spots, the hot flushes, the mood swings. Oh and lets not to mention a change in the old pelvic floor! Things just are not what they were (don't worry I'm not going to go TMI on you but I do intend to talk about this more in another post).

Yes if there is one thing I really hate about heading into the menopause it's the spots, the hot flushes, the mood swings and the pelvic floor issues. Oh and let's not forget the 
um, 
ummmmm, 
ummmmm 

....


I'm sorry, what was I talking about? 
You know if there is one thing I really hate about heading into the menopause it's the short term memory loss. 

Now where were we??




BTW I'm sorry I've been away so long, a badly strained wrist made typing very painful!

International Star Wars Day (Or don't tell the bride!)

Just a quick little bonus blog for you!
As you may know I love my crochet, what you might not know (unless you are my friend on Facebook) is that I am Sci-Fi nuts. So I was really happy over the last couple of weeks to combine the two!

Happy International Star Wars Day, May the Fourth Be With You!

So why the cryptic reality tv reference? Remember how I volunteer for Charnwood BRAS? Well one of the other volunteers was getting married today and the groom is a big Star Wars fan too (it's a mark of how much he loves her that he actually sold some of the collectables to finance the wedding) so instead of my normal Bride and Groom cork-keepers I've done a little Princess Leia and Han Solo.

Finally my girls wanted to show off the other hat too.

Meet Princess Leia and R2D2 

I've roped in the photographer so hopefully these will be used as props in his photo-booth during the wedding!

Oh and all this was nothing compared to the arch of knitted boobs we made them walk under as they left the church but I forgot to get her permission to post that here so you'll have to go and find us on facebook! www.facebook.com/charnwoodbras

My first barefoot walk!

I have been a good girl of late. I've gotten myself a new health challenge and as a start I've been going on a walk every day. Some days it's 30 minutes and some days it's an hour and some days I have to take the kids with me but I do it.

And it's not about burning calories. (Though I really hope it helps). It's not even about raising my heart rate much. It's about making my body do what it should naturally be doing. Our bodies were not made to sit in front of a computer, oh no, they were expertly evolved over millions of years to move skillfully around our environment that we might hunt and gather food. Stopping our bodies from moving plays havoc with them.

So why barefoot walk? Lately I've been really interested in learning about how our bodies are connected and it seems that shoes are not as friendly to our bodies as we thought. Yes they can stop your feet getting covered in dog mess or stepping on a nail but they also stop the proper action of our feet which can in turn stop the proper action of muscles higher up the leg, which in turn can even weaken your pelvic floor!

I did my homework with care. I realised that my feet are not used to being out of shoes so I've been braking them in gently. To start with I got rid of my slippers. Then I minimalised my shoes, less ridged cast with heals, more flat with a big toe box and gripping to my feet (flip-flops or thongs mean you have to grip with your toes and produces a very unnatural style of walking). Then I got chilblains on my toes and realised that thick socks in winter are a must and that the next stage would have to wait until spring!

Biding my time I set to look for places to walk. It's not as easy as you might think, I needed lots of grass to start this experiment, my feet are not hard enough yet to cope with rocks or leaves and concrete or tarmac does tend to lead to blisters as the surface is so unforgiving. I've selected 3 fields in the village all within easy walking distance from my children's school (why not use the school run as a warm up I though) and got some good fitting 'croc' style shoes for the bits on pavement (also if I'm honest I wanted to look 'normal' in the playground).

So today I finally decided it was warm enough to take the plunge. Crocs at the ready I took the girls to school and walked down to the village sports field. I recon one round of the  field is about 500m (there's a cricket pitch and a football pitch and more large areas of grass besides) and I went around 3 times!

What I learnt - 1) dew soaked grass is FREEZING at 9am in the morning! The muddy bits are much warmer. 2) even very nice dig owners can miss the odd poo (and then still put the poo in the wrong bin!!) 3) the funny looks are not too bad, you don't have to keep explaining yourself. I think most people didn't even notice.

And a plus side is that I have had a really nice buzzy feeling in my feet all morning. And if that is all I get then it is still worth it.

Tomorrow I shall try the SSSI (Site of Special Scientific Interest) nature reserve at the back of the village, it's not as big but there may be things bigger than dog poo to avoid!! 

Loss

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

Max Ehrmann, "Desiderata"

 

Today I went to the memorial service for a friends grown-up son. It was a moving service so different to many others I have been to. It took place in a Quaker Meeting House and in Quaker tradition it did not have the clear structure I have come to expect from my upbringing in the Church of England. Many friends contributed their own warm memories of him which for me as someone who had met him on a mere handful of occasions clearly illustrated the sort of man he was. 

There were few overt prayers as such but there was a great deal of time for reflection and contemplation.  As an atheist I didn't have to sit there and ask why this young man was taken, I know there is no grand plan, "shit" as they say "just happens" and I actually take great comfort in that.


Sad as it is, he died. There is no reason, just friends and family whose lives were richer for his presence and whose hearts are torn at his loss.

I understand that not everyone in that room would have felt the same way and and I hope their faith can help and comfort them in their loss. It was an honour to sit in the silence with them.

My body

Billy Bragg, 'Sexuality' - 

"I'm sure that everybody knows how much my body hates me,

It lets me down most every time and makes me rash and hasty."

Sometimes it honestly feels like my body is out to get me. What with the food allergies, the headaches, the migraines, the SPD during both my pregnancies and the infertility prior to that, it's not hard to feel that body and I are not really the best of friends. I try to feed it well, I exercise (well some of the time I do) and I watch my weight and yet.....
....and yet I rarely if ever feel happy with it. Sometime I even hate it (and the fact it is only 'sometimes' now is actually an improvement). I stand in front of the mirror and I see an ageing, plump, saggy body that doesn't look like the 'me' I feel inside. I fight to make it finish an exercise workout, I knock back pints of water to try and stop it reaching for a piece of chocolate and I curse it when I have to stop and clench to cough. I know a good body, like a good car needs looking after but I wish it didn't feel like we were at war with each other.

To be fair I've not had the best role models. Today magazines are full of celebrities who have 'already lost their baby weight', like baby weight is something to be ashamed of and that we should all be able to do it (even if we can't afford the personal trainer, nanny and chef that they used). They airbrush pictures to such an extent some celebs would be barely recognisable in 'real life'. (Look here) The media has never been a friend to a positive body image. But they are not the only ones to blame.

Take an earlier role model for girls, Barbie for example, if we assume that as a 'real' woman she'd be about 5foot 9 inches then her chest would be 39 inches, her waist 18 inches and her hips 33 inches. Her weight would be about 7 stone 12lbs which gives a BMI of 16.24 (which is so underweight we'd call her anorexic). Because her neck is so long she wouldn't be able to hold her head up and because her feet are so small (a size 3) she'd probably not be able to walk or even stand without help. And the makers Matel apparently consider this to be a fuller figure. Frankly it scares me that I still think she is beautiful and it terrifies me that my children might too.

And my earliest role model, my Mummy? I look back at photos of her at the age I am now and I see a beautiful lady, a lean, fit, healthy body, great skin, great legs, lovely hair but what I remember is her standing in front of a mirror picking herself apart, at the time I don't think she liked her own body either.

Really want my girls to have a positive body image. I wish I'd banned the Disney dolls which are really little different to Barbie before they started creeping into our home and I also wish they'd never seen the Winx club (cartoon girls so disproportioned they make Barbie look tame) but they are here now. So what can I do? I try to be as positive about my own body as I can be. When they point at my stretch marks I tell them they are tiger stripes and how much I love them because they were a gift. I try never to talk about dieting, just sensible eating. I tell them how interesting it is to watch our bodies change as we get older.

And I hope, I really hope that in talking to them more positively it wont just be them that feels good about their own body, I hope that I'll start to feel better about it too.

Forget Judy Garland, I'll listen to Frank Turner

I was all set to to write a blog post about my political views explaining where I stood on the political spectrum and then an old lady had to go and ruin my train of thought by dying.

She ruined so much of my youth, with her big hair, capped teeth and right-wing policies. She started off pinching my school milk and went on to much, much worse. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about Margret Thatcher. Even if you don't know exactly where I stand politically I don't think it will surprise you if I say that I wasn't a fan.

I can remember the day she became Prime Minster, I'd not quite turned 8 but I'd never seen my Dad look so sad, I knew Labour had lost just by the look on his face. Yes you could say my family indoctrinated me into socialism but they also had me Christened and I shook that off. I'm proud to be a lefty. I'm proud that when it comes to my country and indeed the world, I want to see a fairer, more equal society and in that I felt she was diametrically opposed to me.

She became for me, a personification of everything I hated about the political right, I danced with joy the day she was forced out of Number 10 (and got completely hammered, I was a University student at the time) so I expected to feel a similar sense of elation when she died. I didn't.


I can understand that a large number of people wanted to run around singing "Ding dong the witch is dead" from the Wizard of Oz - there is actually a Facebook group with the soul aim of getting it to number 1 by the end of the week (at the time of writing it is at number 10 in the down load charts - how ironic!) I admit to singing the odd chorus in the last 48hours but to be honest my heart isn't in it.  

In the first place this is because my fight isn't over. The current government are forcing through the sorts of cuts and changes the 'Iron Lady' could only have dreamed of. I will not stand by while the weakest and most vulnerable in our society have what little they have taken away from them and I will not be quiet while they break up and sell off the NHS. Yes we live in difficult economic times but make no mistake, these changes are political and ideological and not the necessity they are painted to be, there are alternatives. 

And in the second place, at the end she was a sad, frail woman suffering from dementia when she died, her 'prime' (if you can call it that) a distant memory. I do feel a sense of sorrow for her children that they have lost their mother though I always felt rather sorry for them having her as a parent in the first place however I don't feel any more need to be 'respectful' than I did at say Pinochet's death. Mostly I just feel flat. One right-winger may have gone but it reminds me that the fight to put society back in the place I feel it belongs continues.

No, if I'm going to download any particular song this week it will be this number by Frank Turner. It explains very clearly how I feel while still somehow managing to sound a little happy. (I'll just warn you now it is unsuitable for young children or the work place as it contains plenty of adult language from the start.)

Take it away Frank.

Lyrics, for those who have small ears nearby. 

Thatcher F*cked the kids - Frank Turner

Whatever happened to childhood?
We're all scared of the kids in our neighborhood;
They're not small, charming and harmless,
They're a violent bunch of bastard little shits.
And anyone who looks younger than me
Makes me check for my wallet, my phone and my keys,
And I'm tired of being tired out
Always being on the lookout for thieving gits.

We're all wondering how we ended up so scared;
We spent ten long years teaching our kids not to care
And that "there's no such thing as society" anyway,
And all the rich folks act surprised
When all sense of community dies,
But you just closed your eyes to the other side
Of all the things that she did.
Thatcher fucked the kids

And it seems a little bit rich to me,
The way the rich only ever talk of charity
In times like the seventies, the broken down economy
Meant even the upper tier was needing some help.
But as soon as things look brighter,
Yeah the grin gets wider and the grip gets tighter,
And for every teenage tracksuit mugger
There's a guy in a suit who wouldn't lift a finger for anybody else.

You've got a generation raised on the welfare state,
Enjoyed all its benefits and did just great,
But as soon as they were settled as the richest of the rich,
They kicked away the ladder, told the rest of us that life's a bitch.
And it's no surprise that all the fuck-ups
Didn't show up until the kids had grown up.
But when no one ever smiles or ever helps a stranger,
Is it any fucking wonder our society's in danger of collapse?

So all the kids are bastards,
But don't blame them, yeah, they learn by example.
Blame the folks who sold the future for the highest bid:
That's right, Thatcher fucked the kids.

Now why didn't they let him sing that at the Olympics?