Poem - Because I am a Woman

A poem a wrote a few weeks ago.

Because I am a Woman.

Because I'm a woman I should smile because it makes the world a brighter place.
Because I'm a woman I should make the most of what you charmingly call my assets.
Because I'm a woman they can tell me I have to wear high heels to work which will hurt my back,my feet and slow my day.
Because I'm a woman they can comment on my skin like its a work qualification

Because I'm a woman I should accept their shouts and the beeps of their horn because they are a compliment.
Because I'm a woman I can wear low cut tops but not breastfeed my baby in public because that would be gross. 

Because I'm a woman I will cross the road if I think he's following me.
Because I'm a woman I carry my keys in my hand placed individually between my fingers.
Because I'm a woman I will keep my thumb poised between the call and video button on my phone.
Because I'm a woman I won't take taxi on my own but I do know the way home with the best lighting. 

Because I'm a woman I will drink out of bottles and keep the top covered.
Because I'm a woman he thinks my smile is an invitation.
Because I'm a woman he thinks my short skirt is practically asking for it.
Because I am drunk he thinks I won't mind.
And because I'm a woman, my previous sexual history is his defense.

Because she's a woman I won't let my daughter out late on her own.
Because she's a woman I will teach her how to hide, how to kick, how to run and what to do.
And because big crimes start with little misdemeanors I will find the strength to call out those actions as misogynistic. 
Because I will report them.
Because I am a woman.

Cold call fun

I don't know about you but the amount of marketing calls I'm getting are beginning to seriously p*** me off. I've had to develop a few methods to deal with them since "I'm registered with the telephone preference service, please remove my number from your list" clearly isn't getting through.
Method 1. I tell them that I do need to speak to them but there's someone at the door could they just hold the line for 30 seconds while I deal with them then I prop the phone up in front of the radio and walk away and leave it. Hopefully this keeps them on the line a bit longer and stops them harassing anyone else.
 
Method 2. I pretend I'm Helen Tichner from the Archers and I've knifed Rob then I ask them for help with what I should do with the body and how to make a good custard.
 
Method 3. Pretend I've been kidnapped. I'm trapped in the house, I can't get out, can't make out going calls and I don't know what to do. Then I scream down the phone at them. 
 
Method 4. I tell them that I am a media consultant and that my rates are £400 an hour and by staying on the phone and continuing to phone me and not removing my number from the list they are there by agreeing to pay my bill. 
 
Method 5. I remind them that I have in fact opted out of receiving their phone calls and that by continually phoning me they are not only breaking the law but engaging in harassment. I ask for their name so that I can send the information to your lawyer. 

Method 6. I imagine I'm an over tired mum of a new baby and go all emotional on them (This one is really not that hard!)

Of course I'd rather that they just didn't call but if they must be a nuisance then I don't see why I shouldn't wind them up too.
 

Mum in a time of conservatives - A load of hot air.

Honestly I can be a bugger for using up the earth's valuable resources. I could just get my local MP to stand in front of the wrack of wet clothes and ask him (because it invariably is a him and not a her) about his election promises. But no, I go ahead and tumble-dry wet clothes.

I asked a friend how she lived without one (her tumble-dryer I mean, she has an MP), she said her last one broke and she simply didn't replace it. 

So how can you cope without a tumble-dryer? Get extra radiator racks, definitely get an outside line or possibly one outside but under cover (is there a carport, conservatory or simply a well ventilated passageway you can put it in?) A couple of my friends have had sheilas put on the ceiling above a radiator and they work really well.

Healthy? Don't think it really makes a difference.
Green? Hell yes, very. 
Money saving? Yep
Lefty? Well it beats giving your money to the energy companies or a white goods manufacturer. So a little yes. 

Or you can ask your MP over for a cuppa.

There's no one left of here

I wrote this ages ago but somehow it disappeared. No idea why. So hear it is again.


I took a 'political compass' test this week.  If you'd like to take it to then I strongly suggest you click on this link and do it NOW as the post below could ruin your results for you.

It put me just left and slightly lower than the Dalai Lama.
What did that tell me? Well, in some ways nothing new. I am very left wing and quite libertarian. I'm proud to be what I think is a socialist, I can remember my Grandad telling me it was great thing "you should be proud to stand up for those who are not able to do it for themselves and share what you have with them" he told me "it is nothing to be ashamed of". I am proud. I'm also sad that it would seem that with this test at least half the of the Labour party leadership are not with me.
You can easily dismiss some of the questions as a bit vague and I admit that after years of taking magazine tests in teen mags and other media that frankly should know better I do tend to answer these in extremes (it's the only way to get an interesting answer).
http://anotherangryvoice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/left-unity-is-it-just-joke.html
If you don't look at the map you might end up exactly where you were heading.

Mum in a time of conservatives - Drown your sorrows

Drown your sorrows. In water. 

Seriously, have you actually looked at the cost of decent bottle of Champagne recently? And the kids Fruit Shoots and J2O don't come cheap either.
You could all switch from all those expensive not to mention calorific, bottles and cans. Clearly I don't mean bottled water, because who the hell is going to have the cash to splash on Buxton, plain old tap water. No sugars, no artificial sweeteners, no calories and no hangover. 
 
Healthy? Check! 
 
Money saving? Check!

Green? Well there is no packaging and no air-miles so Check! 

Lefty? No cans and bottles means no extra money for Rexam's Tory supporter Graham Chipchase and what could be more lefty than a product for the masses? So, "hell yes" Check!
 

Just don't add whiskey......

(Yes this is a little tongue in cheek, I need something to lighten my mood. But seriously water is great stuff. Want some ways to make water more interesting? Click here )

Mum in a time of Conservatives

I think if you know me or have followed me on Facebook you'll know that the 2015 UK General Election did not go the way I wanted it. Not at all. 

I could bang on about how the way the Liberals bungled it 5 years ago lead to this, I could blame the media (and I do, very much so) or the rise of the SNP, I could explain how the marketing of Labour totally failed or how the greens lived inside their own media bubble. But I'm not the most acute political mind ever, I do have opinions (see my facebook page) and I am reading the analysis coming out in the media but my main concern is: 

HOW THE HELL DO WE GET THROUGH THE NEXT FIVE YEARS?

My aim on this blog (at least until I get bored or employed on something else) is to give what will hopefully be a lighter hearted way for us 'lefty' and eco-conscious mums to a) survive and b) make a difference.

Going viral

Yesterday was a bit of a shock. 
All I did the night before was post this on Facebook

In case you can't read it I'll spell it out for you. It's a leaflet that came through my door from Lynton Yates (Leicestershire County Councillor for Glenfield) and it says

"We could remove six million cars from the road if benefit claimants were not driving. Why do they have the privilege to spend the tax payers hard earned money on a car when those in work are struggling to keep their own car on the road.

These people really could catch a bus."

I shared it on my personal profile with a few friends and shared it on a page I've sent articles to before ATOS Miracles

Then I went out. 

While I was away some friends put it on Twitter and by the time I got home with my kids at 6pm it was trending and my original post had had over 50,000 views been shared 500 times and I had messages from 5 journalists, including 2 from national newspapers and one from the BBC. But I also had people who claimed to be senior members of UKIP telling me that I'd faked it and some highly abusive messages telling me I was not just anti-British but also a paedophile.

Here's my opinion: It's my understanding that the largest chunk of the welfare budget is spent on pensions and that of the remainder the majority is paid to people in work. Furthermore, Mobility allowance for the disabled includes an element to get a suitable vehicle to get around in. So it would seem that Councillor Yates suggestion is not only ill-informed and unworkable but born out of the unthinking prejudice that all benefit claimants are able-bodied, urban dwelling, middle-aged layabouts with no dependents and nothing to do. As for the suggestion I faked it, why would I bother? They shoot themselves in the foot as a pastime (or possibly past-time as written in his leaflet). Is it official UKIP policy? Not as far as I know, but then neither are half the things that come out of Nigel Farage's mouth, it was written by Councillor Yates (or at least one of his minions) and put out under his name, it therefor counts as his opinion and I'm not going to pull it off the internet now, nor could I even if I wanted to.

And all this less than a week after I'd talked to my 8 year old about being careful about sharing photo's over the Internet and other devices (I'd found her using a chat app while at a friends house).

I have to be honest the girls and my husband don't know whether to be scared or proud. Neither do I. The number who have viewed the post is now over 72,000 and the total of abusive messages up to 6. So no I'm not going to stand up on national media and give my real name, I have my kids to protect (not to mention my career). But I am proud that I stood up and called out unthinking prejudice and that my little pebble of news caused big ripples on the media pond, at least for five minutes. I can make a difference and now if you'll excuse me I'm going to be the difference to a small group of new mum's who need some breastfeeding support.

Yours, as ever,
Mumjuice