We will not comply

This half-term my kids have been sent home with a form asking for their country of birth and nationality. My husband and I strongly suspect that the final data set will be used for political gain and to curb immigration. 
We will not comply with this Conservative Government's blatant xenophobia so we've written to the headteacher and governors. We strongly recommend you do the same and since it's easier to adapt what someone else has written than to start from scratch here's a copy of what we wrote.

"Dear Head Teacher and Governors,
Thank you for your Data Collection Form Autumn 2016.
We have been looking into why the DfE wants this information and have found out that parents are not obliged to provide it. We will not be.

You can find more information here: http://schoolsweek.co.uk/school-census-2016-how-should-schools-collect-nationality-data/
Here is the relevant paragraph:
"The rules place an obligation on schools to ask parents for the country of birth and nationality of their child. But there is no requirement for either parents or pupils to supply the information.
Parents can refuse to provide the information and, in this case, schools can record that refusal in their census submission. Schools also have the option to tick either ‘not yet obtained’ or ‘not known’."
We therefore request that you record that for both our children information on their 'Country of Birth' and their 'Nationality' was withheld by their parents.
Yours sincerely,"

Sleep

Shh, whisper it quietly but I have been know to sleep with young girls. It’s OK, it’s nothing illegal, the girls in question are my daughters. And it seems I may not be the only mum who does it.

“If you stay in the room until your child is asleep you are not alone – as a matter of fact, you are in the majority. This “problem” isn’t really a “problem” at all, but normal childhood behavior.” 

 Elizabeth Pantley --The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers. 

Every night I cuddle my four year old to sleep (until she was 3 I breastfed her to sleep), it is the most peaceful part of my day, like a little meditation. I wrap my arm around her, hold her hand and sing both girls lullabies until they are gently snoring.  I don’t cuddle her big sister for a number of reasons, all of them practical a) she likes her own space to sleep b) when I was pregnant I had SPD and it became too uncomfortable and c) (which is the most practical) she’s on the top bunk and with the best will in the world I can’t get up or down without a racket. 

Recently I did have a little health scare and during those horrible two weeks I thought that if I was to get the diagnosis I feared I would buy the girls new beds, nice low ones that were wide enough to take me too because the moments spent cuddling them to sleep are precious.

Both my girls have beautiful lashes which flutter up and down as the precursor to sleep, the eye roll sets in. As their eyelids stop trying to lift the girls give a little sigh as they let go of the day, their limbs relax and the soft snoring starts. I watch them amazed at their beauty and forever thankful that I have them in my life. 

Perhaps I am lucky that they go to sleep so quickly, it normally takes less than 10 minutes. But I come out of their room so happy, up-lifted and peaceful I wish that every parent could have this. Am I mean to not share this with my husband? Perhaps. He has done it on the handful of occasions I have not been able to be there but it started from breastfeeding and really that was something that only I could do. He is very active in their bedtime routine and he does get to look in on them later.

Of course not every night is perfect, some nights they are poorly and need extra attention, frankly the little girl doesn’t need sleep the way the rest of the family do and is often up in the night. At those times I try to remember how lucky I am to have them before I snuggle up with them and attempt to get back to sleep. Last night in fact was pretty horrific, up twice in the night and again at 6am. No wonder I feel shattered.

I know one day it will end. I suspect it will be reading that does it, the point where they are both able to read independently and I can say, "OK you can read your book now for a bit". I hope that for them books become as magical and relaxing as they are for their Dad and I but that's a whole other blog post. I don't suppose for one minute that as teenagers they will want Mum to cuddle them in their beds, it's such a short time until then and perhaps such a big long time (I hope?) until they have a loving partner of their own to hold in their sleep and then perhaps babies of their own.





Cradle Song by William Blake 1757-1827

Sleep, sleep, beauty bright,
Dreaming in the joys of night;
Sleep, sleep; in thy sleep
Little sorrows sit and weep.
Sweet babe, in thy face
Soft desires I can trace,
Secret joys and secret smiles,
Little pretty infant wiles.
As thy softest limbs I feel
Smiles as of the morning steal
O'er thy cheek, and o'er thy breast
Where thy little heart doth rest.
O the cunning wiles that creep
In thy little heart asleep!
When thy little heart doth wake,
Then the dreadful night shall break.

You are being watched.

Kids need role models, it's great to have someone to show them that they can be an astronaut, a successful athlete or Prime Minister. But small children start with role models much closer to home. Little children are learning at a fantastic rate and what they want to learn most of all is how to be human. So they watch the nearest human to them and generally speaking that's the parent.

It's a scary but my kids are going to use me as a role model. They already are.

It was my post last week that got me thinking about this 

"Because if I don't try something new how can I expect my children to?"

It doesn't just apply to trying new things, it applies to everything I do and that is one heck of a responsibility.

There are the obvious thing like if I were to use bad language then they probably would use it too. If they were to see me leave the toilet without washing my hands then in all likely-hood they would too. If I use my mobile phone when crossing the road, or surf the net instead of interacting with other humans then when they get their chance they will too.

I try to model healthy eating for them, I think I cook nutritious meals (find out more about that here http://the-inclusive-cook.blogspot.co.uk/ ) and I make sure we eat them together at the table without anything to distract us. I model exercise by taking them on walks, cycle rides and going to the pool. I model manners and politeness daily (at least I hope I do).

But its the less explicit stuff that is really mind-blowing. My kids look to me to see how to be happy, how to be confident, how to behave, even how to move. They watch me to learn how to be kind, considerate, generous and empathic, I have to model that and they will know if I'm faking.

Never mind the athlete, the doctor, business director or any host of other things my daughters might like to be when they grow up, the one thing I hope I can count on is that they will be an adult. And that awesome adult I want my kids to become? I have to model that.
Just like you have to for your kids.

New Year Resolutions

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever."

Neil Gaiman

I am absolutely scared of making mistakes. For starters I hate being wrong and when I have made a big mistake I tend to beat myself up over it, a lot. But I love this quote and really I do need things try new things, I don't want to stay the same forever, I think that would be really boring and in trying things I need to take risks and that means I may sometimes make mistakes. It brings to mind another quote on learning to fly from the book 'Staying OK' by Amy and Tom Harris which I think goes 

If you wait for the courage to come you may never take off

(I can't find my copy of the book but that is the sentiment if not the exact words).

I have to jump in there with both feet. And if there is a mistake I'll try not say 'oops'  but instead 'hmmm, that's interesting' and ask myself what I can learn from it. Because if I don't try something new how can I expect my children to? If all they see is a Mum too scared to do anything how will they grow as people? And to be honest I want to spare them the guilt cycle I all too easily get myself into.

So my New Year resolutions is to try new things and if I make mistakes so be it.